Friday, March 27, 2009

Don't Eat It, Use It To Build A Hut

Tonight I made AMARANTH.
I have no idea how it came to be in my home but it was there, and I cooked it, and I had to explain it to the Y Chromosome Who Lives In My House ("some cereal, s'posed t'be good for yah").

(I dare you to click on the photo.)

In general, the two of us try to do the healthy thing. We don't eat "white" anything too much anymore. We try to stick mostly to sweet potatoes, we love black rice and wild rice; whole wheat pasta. We like quinoa; we consider couscous a treat.

But AMARANTH?

It has this weird corn-like flavor that immediately sours in your mouth and then leaves a sour taste in your mouth. It has the consistency of paste. Sticky, thick paste. Sticky, thick, sour, paste. I do not believe that seasoning could make a difference. I am pretty sure it would ruin anything it touched, so I would be skeptical of any suggestion to mix it with something else.

When I went to look it up (which admittedly, I probably should have done before I decided to cook it instead of toss it) I found out it's sometimes also called pigweed because it was used in the past for pig fodder. Why anyone changed their mind about that and decided to put it in a cereal box is a complete mystery to me.

Amaranth is featured on health food holistic medicine sites (along with the ever respectable earcandling) and some study reported it's good for lowering lipid profiles in diabetic animals.

Well, maybe I won't throw out the rest. Maybe I'll keep it just in case the next time I get my cat's cholesterol checked, the results turn up elevated. (FYI: He's eleven. In his entire life, I've taken him to the vet twice. Except for being a little cross-eyed and having a pretty consistent, overall general look of drunkeness, I think he's fine and I don't see any ancillary healthcare services in his future.)

Apparently, amaranth was illegal for a while in Mexico. Considering how I feel about amaranth after tasting it tonight, this new information inspired the good idea to call my state senator and ask him to propose some legislation that bans it in NH, NOW. (After you review his profile you'll agree that he's sure to help me out with this.)

On the other hand, amaranth is also described as "Food of the Gods" and supposedly has almost 90% of total human nutritional requirements. Of course, aren't there some religions which worship pigs as gods? If I cared, I might research it a little better but I don't, and I'll get my nutritional requirements filled elsewhere thank you, please don't bother to pass the amaranth.

Here's another thing: one site I found described amaranth as "cultivated for [human consumption] too." That's just weird. I'm not suggesting that food shouldn't be cultivated for multiple species, but I'm just not going to get too excited about food that's cultivated for humans as a secondary interest.

I just know that bossy blogger SMC who's gluten-free is going to have plenty to say on this, but seriously, don't let anyone convince you that you'll like this stuff. It's just YUCK.  If you really just want to eat some weed, stick with a good brownie recipe.

I'm certainly not suggesting you shouldn't try it.  You definitely should. Like my mother always said in that perky voice, "You should always try new things!"  I am suggesting however, that you won't like it and you won't eat it, but after you've tried it, you should keep it.

It will probably come in very handy as a bonding agent the next time you're building a hut with cement blocks.

6 comments:

SMC said...

You are right. I will have plenty to say, but not necessarily on amaranth.I've never eaten it. It sounds... interesting.

Being gluten-intolerant (celiac) has caused me to seriously lower my standards when it comes to baked goods and grains. Rice is still yummy. Rice bread is right out- tastes like a loaf of flavorless sandpaper. Buckwheat pancakes- yummo! Gluten free pizza- only tolerable. Everybody says they have a recipe that tastes "just like the real thing." That is only because "the real-thing" bar has been lowered to the ground.

You don't like amaranth because you have options. For those of us without options amaranth looks like a very tasty pile of shit.

Bon Appetit!

JAF said...

Another laugh-out-loud -- you don't let me down! Apparently it does well in place of flour but it's so sour. I added a description of the taste after you visited.

vb said...

JAF, wow, I can't wait to try amaranth. I mean it. Now it's a challenge to make it taste good. I'll be looking into this and I'll post my results. In the meantime, they could probably use your recipe in North Dakota to plug up holes in the levees?

Roberto said...

Having been the recipient of this "tasty pile of shit" please consider this a cry for help as opposed to a clever blog post.

Mim said...

Hmm, not much to say on this as I have voluntarily taken myself out of the cooked food arena. But, after reading your description, all I caould think of is "Good to know."
informative...thanks. I actually think I have some hiding in the way back of a cabinet. Lets see if the birds would like it.

Michael Hawes said...

Am I seeing a corelation here? Katie says her yuck factor is all the dog crap in her Dad's back yard and the next thing I read is that you are feeding him some kind of nasty crap. It does make a body wonder?????