I was told several times today that I needed to let go of a certain little incident that occurred. It’s bugging me like crazy and I’m actually a little tired of it myself. One or two people said to me, “Jen, it’s such a little thing…”
They’re right, it is such a little thing but guess what? So is a splinter. You can’t always figure out exactly where it is but you know it’s there, it hurts like hell, and it has to be picked.
My significant other is adamant that I keep my mouth shut about this little thing because he sees picking this particular splinter as ending up picking a fight. He’s also tried pointing me in the direction of the High Road more than several times.
This is problematic for me. For one, I’m a person who likes a lot of attention and it seems like when you take the High Road no one notices. (Which is partly the point, I guess.) For another, I have a temper, and the speed limits on the High Road just don’t seem to allow for it. It’s not very exciting on the High Road and the other people I know who seem to take it the most believe in self-help books and can conclude almost any conversation with a slogan.
The boundaries between Taking the High Road and Becoming a Dumb Old Doormat are also a struggle for me. When do I stand up for myself and when do I simply decide that the other person somehow managed to complete a life course on How To Be A Jerk? How will I feel about myself later if I keep my mouth shut? How will I feel about myself later if they still don’t understand that they are a jerk? Isn’t there a point where I’m obligated to inform someone of their profound jerkdom?
The High Road can also be insidious and have unintended consequences. What’s worse? Keeping an important fact from someone that pissed you off which might help them in their lives and then going straight home, obsessing about it, and eating an entire tub of curry mango chutney cream cheese dip on crackers and knocking back a couple glasses of wine OR letting someone know how you really feel, even if you do it passive aggressively?
Actually, I’m going to eat the dip and drink the wine either way.
3 comments:
Funny you should bring this up.... I was having a conversation with my partner yesterday about how she was behaving with a client in town that she was wronged by. She felt I should carry this grudge on into the future after she leaves the business. I told her she was better than that (take the high road). I told her she was being too vindictive and that was really my role in the business. She pointed out she had learned at the feet of the master- me. I offered her a sop, which made her feel as if these people were being punished, but really it is just good business practice (too many details to go into). I also pointed out that I didn't particularly feel like carrying on her grudge which might endanger my position in the community. She laughed and agreed.
What it really comes down to is that it isn't a splinter. It is a pressure cooker. You just need to release that steam. At my place of employment my workmates are use to me blowing off steam and badmouthing things and people. And that is where it ends. I would never (or almost never) say these things publicly. They just need to be released in a vitriolic way. So go ahead and pick away at that splinter, just do it in private with friends who will agree with you.
I also hate goddam platitudes about living. They are like some exterior force that should take away all the pain of a situation... which sounds suspiciously like religion. I am not a believer.
Interesting. I wonder if you would EVER post a conversation that occurred between you and client on your blog? Even without names? The client would know it was them (as in, I knew it was me). Would you expect the client back? My original post was far more trenchant and far more therapeutic. It didn't make it through my regulatory process. (I've made up a set of rules for my posts but not for my comments!)
You are right.....always vague on the details when committing to paper or electronic screens. Unless I am talking about you..... or anyone else who will forgive me my flaws.
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