Apparently, I Have All The Time Everyone Else Is Looking For

Over the last six months or so I’ve gotten more interested in blogging – mostly inspired by my friend Sarah. Once I started reading Sarah's blog, I started sneaking around by checking out her favorite blogs. I felt a little like a stalker or maybe like Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female so I was actually comforted by the fact that I would never be able to pull off her awesome haircut.

I started branching out and searching for blogs that focused on things I thought might be interesting. I have particularly sophisticated and somewhat unique interests: how to lose weight fast without dieting or exercise, how to make a lot of money without working, and how to knock back a bottle of wine in one night without suffering from a hangover the next day.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Come on, get on board with the rest of us and start getting interested in something like ancient Yugoslavian pottery and following the collections of obscure ethnic games.” Sorry, not for me. You don’t get a link either.

Looking for blogs and then blogging became its own interest, and like anyone with any new interest, I started talking about it. I talk about blogs: what I learn on blogs, interesting blogs, the photography on blogs, and I talked about maybe writing a blog.

Here's what everyone says that drives me nuts: “Where do you find the time for that?” Two or three people said something like, “Oh I don’t think I would want to spend my time doing that.” A few others said, “Oh, I just don’t have the time.”

Most people would interpret the above as the following: “Where do you find the time for that?” or “Oh, I don’t think I would want to spend my time doing that,” or “Oh, I just don’t have the time.”

I haven’t mentioned yet that I am a master at translating the English language. This is what they are really saying: “OH. MY. GOD. I cannot believe you waste time doing something stupid like that on a computer. My time is spent in far more valuable ways doing very important things. I am superior to you in every way.”

I’ve thought about this. I don’t think that’s the case. It’s obviously not the case that I AM the superior being with 26 hours in my day instead of the random 24. (Although I am, clearly, for myriad reasons, the superior being.) What might be the case is that I freely admit that which I prefer more than doing the laundry, more than searching out dust kitties (dust dinosaurs in my house), more than staring blindly at the TV while talking on the phone or watching rerun number 47 of the 4th series of Star Trek. I freely admit that sometimes I go home and do work and sometimes…I don’t.

I also freely admit that I sometimes have a lot of spare time in the evening because if my significant other isn’t home, I can’t figure out how to turn on the TV and the cable.

Okay, it’s out. If I could work the remotes, I might not blog. That's not to say I'm going back. I'm bloggin'. My house is a mess, my clothes are dirty, the remotes are strewn across the back yard, and I've got a ton of work. But apparently, I've also got plenty of time.

Yeah, there's a calculator in there too.